Sunday Funnies & a Lisa Update

Thought for the Day

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get your shitty ideas from.

Okay some of these jokes might be a bit lame but heck, they made me laugh...so there!


I Ain't 'Fraid Of No Ghost


A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself.
Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security officer runs over, hearing the commotion.
"What's going on here?"
"I don't know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."


Getting Weighed


Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do."I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."


Smoking in the Rain


Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"
The other old lady said, "It's a condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"
The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all thequestions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"
The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

*******

P.S. The office drama concluded on Thursday afternoon when Lisa (see former posts) quit. I was told about it when I came to work that evening. What happened? Two women at work were quietly talking to each other about something work related and Lisa assumed they were talking about her. She blew up at them and told them if they had something to say about her to say it to her face. They both went off on her then and Lisa up and quit. Before she walked out, she threatened our supervisor with a lawsuit. I am not sure what she wants to sue for. Can you sue because you don't get along with your co-workers? Our boss wants each of us to write up our own "experiences" of conflicts with Lisa and sign our names. I am not very happy about this. I just want to go to work and do a good job and go home each night. *sighs*

On Friday one of the day shift women told me that the whole atmosphere at work was so peaceful and calm and she said it was like a huge burden was lifted from everybody's shoulders. Everybody there has always gotten along really well except when Lisa was around. So that's that.